I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
