a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
try to milk me bitch
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