Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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