Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
