I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
