I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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