My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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