New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
