butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
