There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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