Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
