he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Hippo gnu deer
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
