6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
