This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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