People with herpes should wear stickers.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
