Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
