First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
