that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
