They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
