yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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