so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
