I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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