Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
