So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
