the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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