batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
