Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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