its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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