Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
