All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
