tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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