I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
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Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
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Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived