What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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