ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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