Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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