Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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