worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I want to be your penis for a week.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
