So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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