I murdered the dance floor call the cops
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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