It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
