Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
