i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
