based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
