I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
