defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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