After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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