I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
