last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
