You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
