So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
