i think my tv is drunk
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
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there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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