His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
