The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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