All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I want to be your penis for a week.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
