I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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