is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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