Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
