I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
