batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
