I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
