I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
