Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
