I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
