wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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