Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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