u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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