I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
