There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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