it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
