just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
