dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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