8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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