The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
