dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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