You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
