Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
