9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
