I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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