I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
