I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
