and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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