nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
