my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
