So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
