I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
