a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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