You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
