Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
