New low: just hacked my moms facebook
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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