thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
