I feel like abortions should bother me more
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
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