I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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