he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
