We named our party play list daddy issues
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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